“Why Is My Toddler Biting Everyone?” What’s Really Going On and How to Help

Biting is one of those behaviours that can really shake us as parents and teachers. I’ve felt that shock and horror myself – both as an early childhood teacher and as a mum. Whether it’s in the toddler room, kindy, or even the early years of school, biting has always been a behaviour that gets an immediate and emotional reaction.

Recently, a parent reached out with this question:

Their Letter to Jessie

Dear Jessie, My toddler keeps biting. Sometimes it’s other kids at daycare, sometimes it’s me when they’re upset or even excited. I feel embarrassed and worried about what people will think. How can I get them to stop biting?

(Parent wishes to remain anonymous)

My Perspective as an Early Childhood Teacher

When I worked in a toddler room, biting was something we saw more often than you might think. It can happen out of nowhere – a quiet child suddenly biting another child’s arm, or a usually affectionate toddler biting out of excitement or frustration. Over the years, I’ve also seen biting continue into kindy and the early school years, especially where communication delays, sensory needs, or neurodivergence are part of a child’s profile.

Almost every time, biting has come down to one thing: communication difficulties. Toddlers often don’t have the words yet to express big feelings like anger, fear, frustration, or even overwhelming joy. Biting becomes their way to say “I need help” or “I don’t know what to do with this feeling.”

Why Do Toddlers Bite?

From my experience, children bite for a variety of reasons:

• Frustration – they can’t get what they want and don’t have the words to negotiate

• Overwhelm or sensory overload – biting is an instant release

• Excitement – their feelings bubble over into action

• Seeking sensory input – the pressure of biting feels regulating, especially when teething

• Testing cause and effect – “What happens when I do this?”

• Attention-seeking – negative attention is still attention, especially when connection feels low

• Neurodivergence (e.g. autism, ADHD) – communication and sensory differences can increase biting

As a Parent Too…

I’ve noticed with my own toddler that biting sometimes creeps in when they’re desperate for my attention. Maybe I’ve been on my phone too long, caught up with chores, or distracted by something else and suddenly there’s a little nip on my arm or leg. It’s their way of saying, “Look at me!” even though it’s not the way we want them to seek connection.

Teachers’ Responses

In early childhood settings, one common approach is shadowing staying close to the child to pre-empt bites before they happen. While it can reduce immediate incidents, it isn’t a long-term solution if we don’t address why they’re biting.

Shadowing can be challenging. You can’t be everywhere at once in a busy room, and children can feel singled out or watched, which doesn’t build their confidence or skills. It needs to be paired with teaching giving them the language and tools to manage their feelings differently.

What Helps?

💛 Stay calm

This is easier said than done. The rage and horror we feel when our child bites another is real especially when there are bite marks left behind. But reacting with anger can heighten their overwhelm. Instead, take a breath and respond calmly and firmly.

💛 Set a clear boundary

“Biting hurts. I won’t let you bite”. Return focus to the bitten child first to teach empathy.

💛 Teach alternative words and actions

We need to teach our children what to say or do instead. Simple phrases like “Stop!” “My turn!” “Help me!” or “Move please!” can give them power without hurting others. Practising these phrases in play helps embed them before the heat of the moment.

💛 Look for triggers

Is it happening when they’re tired, hungry, or overstimulated? Is there a pattern with certain activities or transitions?

💛 Offer sensory alternatives

If they bite for sensory reasons, provide crunchy snacks, or teething toys to meet that need safely.

💛 Practise emotional expression in play

Use dolls or teddies to act out scenarios. “Teddy is mad. What can Teddy say instead of biting?” Role play builds understanding in a calm moment.

💛 Understand neurodivergence

For some children, especially those with autism or ADHD, biting may be linked to sensory processing differences or communication delays. Supporting their sensory needs and building their language skills is key.

Biting Is a Behaviour, Not Who They Are

Your child isn’t “bad” because they bite. They’re telling you something with their actions that they don’t yet have the words for. Our role as parents and educators is to listen to what their behaviour is communicating and teach them a safer, kinder way to express it.

Thanks for Reaching Out for Help

If biting is something you’re navigating at home or you’re feeling unsure how to respond calmly and consistently, I’m here to help. I’ve supported many families and educators through these tricky phases, and together we can find a strategy that works for your child.

✨ Book a parent coaching session with me through my website or email jessie@jessiemaris.com. Let’s build your confidence in handling these moments with care.